we have pet lesbian snakes
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
