piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
