i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
