Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
