My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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