dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
