If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
