its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
