When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
