So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
