i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
