FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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