She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i think i have herpe
just one?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
