First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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