shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
