put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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