If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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