I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
