By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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