I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
