hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
