So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm bleeding and have questions
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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