I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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