its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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