I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
