I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
