my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
