god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
