we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
