I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
