It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
