Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
