The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
