i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
