we made out on top of his cat.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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