just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
