Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
