brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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