yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
