I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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