No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
