he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
