I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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