I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
