I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
