He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
