My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
