***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
