The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
