Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think I have vodka in my lungs
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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