you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
